Blog Title: Quack This

We've heard from Blade!

I went to bed at 7:15 this morning. Blade called at 9:15 but I didn't answer my phone (see, that's why I was afraid to go to bed last night) and the connection was bad when he called Mike so he wound up calling Wonderboy. Thank ghod! My sister is on her way to pick Blade up now and should have him soon.

After Blade called the phone calls started. I was woken up every 20 minutes or so and at one point tried to call my sister back. Instead I somehow texted myself her number (didn't know you could text yourself) in my slumber. I finally got up around 11 and haven't been able to talk to Blade myself yet.

He's outside a YMCA there (same one as yesterday...he found his way back there I suppose) but the pay phone he used to call us doesn't accept calls. So I called that YMCA and apparently it's not in the lady's job description to stick her head out the door and tell him to call me collect.

Ok. So I get that. But really. If someone called me and told me what I told her, I'd throw that job description aside long enough to make sure he got the message. I wasn't ugly to her at all, btw, but I mighta said something after I'd hung up.

Anyway, my new blog is here. There's nothing there yet but a halloween template as even though I have so much stuff I need to blog about, I just haven't felt like it yet. I'll make a post this week as to why I'm closing this one but I will go ahead and tell you I mighta have had a picture on this blog that could have gotten me broiled over for infringment. (I recieved a thinly veiled threat over it and didn't want to chance it). There are other reasons but that one was the kicker so to speak. Or the camel straw. Whatever.

Any new posts will be over there. This coming Friday I'll be locking this one down.

Blade update

There isn't one really. I'm terrified to go to bed cause if I fall asleep I might not here the phone. It's been almost 13 hours since I've heard from him (and it looks like I was the last one he talked to) so we still don't know where he is. Mike's hoping that he found a cheap room and just crashed.

I've tried talking to the police for help in finding him but they gave me the number for the Ft. Bragg police, who weren't able to help me at all given I don't have a last name or address of his friend. They told me I should talk to the Fayetteville police again and tell them it's their jurisdiction. It's like a loop that's going with no start. Without the start I don't know what to do next.

I talked to mom for an hour or so. Called her at like 2:30am to see if she knew what he was wearing when he left. They said that would be important if he doesn't turn up soon and we have to file a missing person's report. She didn't know though but I'm pretty sure I can guess what he was wearing since he purposely has such a limited wardrobe.

Mike said Blade has always been fine and will be this time. I think that, too, but the what ifs won't stop and I'm scared. He was supposed to go to the Super 8 on Main and call me so I could pay for him a room for the night. Last I talked to him, which was at 5:40pm (saturday) my time, he couldn't find it. I gave him land marks and he said he'd look again and call me when he got there. His phone isn't dead. If it was it would go to voice mail immediately. But he's not answering. Maybe he did get a charger, found a cheap room and is just sleeping since he hasn't slept since Friday morning. That's what I keep telling myself anyway.


I've seen your comments on the last post (ironically, the "Last" post) and will address them soon. You guys don't need to worry about why I'm closing this blog. It's probably gonna make you want to smack me more than worry, but I am going to do another blog. I just don't have it ready yet and no one knows the link. I posted this update here so family will know the latest. Blade left my mom's house Saturday morning on his moped and drove 6 hours to Ft. Bragg to meet an online friend he's never met before because he's soon moving back to Iowa. His moped was giving him trouble and he had to stop and work on it to keep it running at one point. He doesn't have his jacket either and it's chilly. He told me he almost fell asleep on the way there. It's a long, very lonely ride there and such a dangerous road. My stomach is in knots and I'm sick (literally) to the point I could almost throw up. He didn't have much money which is why I was going to get him a room. Cause he didn't have the money for one himself...unless he found a super cheap one.

The fact that the military police didn't know a thing about him was a good sign. Right?

No one knew (including the friend) that he was going there. He stopped and called me (but I didn't hear the phone so he had to call Mike) for help in finding where he was on the map so he could continue. We know he got to Ft. Bragg and was in a really bad, seedy part of town. Mike told him to get the hell out of there and go somewhere safer. That's what he was trying to do the last we heard. That and find the Super 8.

I'm going to try calling him again. Then I need to try and get some sleep but I'm a bit bug eyed atm so not sure that'll happen.


So now his phone IS dead. Probably because it beeped (the beep that lets you know you've missed a call) the battery the rest of the way dead. Oh God, I don't know what to do.

It's been real

I'm not going to continue this blog. I'm going to leave this post up for a few and then lock it down so that no one can access it but me. The last 2 1/2 years of my life are on this blog and I'm not willing to part with that, but I'm not sure yet if I'm going to start a new one or just save this one as is (though locked).

Thanks for reading me. Nothing beats that kind of validation and to those that have stuck with me for the long haul, hugs to you. :)

Blogger quirk

This has been going on for quite awhile now. When I try and "Add and Arrange Page Elements" I see this. And only this. Any clue on how to fix it/get the scroll bar back so I could scroll down and see all my elements/add new ones/whatever?

Check this out

This and that

Did you guys know it's October? Somehow that little tidbit escaped me. Mike is due in this weekend (thank GHOD ... really missing him this week) and hopefully will get the Halloween yard stuff up. Have a roast planned for Saturday night and already looking forward to it. Nice comfort/fall food.

Speaking of fall, it gots chilly this week. We woke up to 39°F this morning even. Makes me want to light cinnamon candles or something. Actually, I boil water on the stove top with fall spices in it to tease make the house smell really good. Drives everyone batty when I do that as they're looking for baked goodies. Heh.

Nugget is seriously acting up. I had to break up an actual fight between him and Moe a few days ago and I swear he instantly grew a fang with which to bite me on the bum with. Out of anger. So far this week I've had to make a fist to keep him from biting my fingers several times a day. Since he's a pug he needs a finger or something smallish to really get his bite on. He can still gnaw at my fist but it's mild. If he'd quit running behind me and jumping with every step to bite my bum, he and I would be getting along MUCH better right now.

And yes, Mike and the kids find that hilarious as I keep walking, trying to ignore him, and he keeps jumping/biting. The dog is reflicted, I swear.

I'm about ready to give up on Google Chrome, just because I can't watch CNN videos in it (have tried installing plug ins several ways/times and it's just not working. It also can't display pages at a much higher frequency than I've experienced with IE. Outside of that, and the Google toolbar not working with it (unless they've since added that), I love the browser. It's a pain to have to switch to IE though every time I go to CNN. Blade sent me a link for plug ins for Chrome. I'll play around one more time before switching back to just IE.

Sigh.

...And the rest are named after Baby Girl

I'll be bluntly honest. I don't care one iota what I look like as long as Mike is interested. I'm not bothered with what anyone else thinks (the exception being those who seem to think I'm in high school...BLARG!) and will not go to any effort for you if I don't feel like it.

So I do a lot of pony tails. They're quick, simple and keep my hair out of my face when I'm cleaning or cooking. They also get the 'heat' off the back of my neck when it's hot out. I probably wear my hair that way more than I should but the other day may have put a halt to it. Or, at least, some of it.

I was in the bathroom washing my hands when I looked into the mirror. Know what I saw? Not one or two, but quite a few white hairs. I stopped and started poking them, as if they'd sprout wings or horns or something, and then pulled on one enough to see how long it was. I guess I hadn't been paying enough attention as they surprised me. They're only noticeable, for now, when all my hair is pulled back. Interesting.

The very first white hair I had (and they're solid white for some reason ... I thought they'd go gray first, then white) is taped to the monitor that Mike used to use. Why? Because he found it funny that we finally had proof that I'm old enough to buy. Today on the phone I told him about the ones I'd seen a couple of days ago.

"I've named one Bear, one Blade, one Wonderboy and the rest are named after Baby Girl."

Heh.

Ironically, as soon as Baby Girl sees them she will do everything in her power to remove them. She does the same with Mike, especially the gray ones in his beard. I don't know why she is so adamant that we not have any and she hasn't explained it yet either. Least, not in a way that makes sense. Anyway, I'm probably not going to do the pony tail, except when cooking and cleaning, for awhile to see if they reproduce or not. Or, maybe they will fall out like the rest of my hair is doing. Every time I shampoo, brush, anything really that involves touching my hair, I get a gob of loose ones. Maybe they're just making room for the white ones.

Who knows.

And that's a wrap

My sister mentioned this to me this weekend and I, although at first a bit shocked, decided that either someone got a little mixed up on their stories or my brother hadn't explained himself the way he'd meant to. I put it out of my mind even, thinking that it wasn't what it appeared to be. Monday, when my brother called, he brought it up. And she was exactly right in what she'd told me.

He decided that because The Nephew is always asking him 'what are you getting me for my birthday' or asking for expensive presents, it was time for him to learn a lesson. That lesson, being that my brother isn't a dollar sign, was illustrated by The Nephew not getting a birthday present from Uncle Brian but instead an explanation as to why he hadn't gotten one. His other reason for doing this was because The Nephew is 'too cocky'.

I won't argue the cocky part. The Nephew is a newly minted 13 year old and while that doesn't excuse it, (and furthermore, his cockiness is done in a joking way that makes you wonder if he's really fronting because he doesn't believe in himself much), what I will argue, and did, is that my brother of all people shouldn't be calling anyone out for being cocky. He's very arrogant in so many ways. He has all the right answers on child rearing, dieting, religion, ... and if you don't agree with him then you're just wrong. Because he's right. And he'll tell you how right he is.

He's done very well for himself and can afford the expensive presents for himself and others. The thing is, he talks about that a LOT! Most of the time The Nephew sees him, Brian (my brother) is buying for everyone there be it dinner or whatnot. He takes them all out to eat for every holiday (which is very sweet, mind you) and foots the bill himself. Because he can and it doesn't hurt him. But he'll tell you about it. While I don't think it's done TO rub your nose in it, imagine being a kid and hearing all about Uncle Brian's expensive toys and trips and this and that ... wouldn't you ask for pricey stuff? This comes from Brian, too. The telling of things. And when he's telling you how you should do this or that because look at what all he has, it comes off as very. very. cocky.

I don't think he should have used The Nephew's birthday as a lesson. I don't even think he has the right to 'teach him a lesson' like this. I think that if he wants to change the relationship, he should take time out and do something with The Nephew that doesn't involve pricey talk/stuff. Go fishing, ask him about the latest book he's reading, shoot some hoops with him. It's endless really the things they could do to get off the subject of money and 'I want'. I think it's up to Brian, as the adult, to initiate that change ... but not like this. Ever. He could have just sent him a $20 gift card to Wal-Mart, or bought him something small.

He argued that he was right and justified, I was wrong, that I was lying out my ass when I said he was one of the most cocky people I'd ever met. I told him not to call me anymore, that I was done. That I think this is his personal lowest.

The Nephew just turned 13 and is already jaded about family relationships and confused about so many other things. He's in one of the most impressionable stages he'll ever go through. His sisters both got presents on their birthdays. He didn't need this. He needs structure and discipline, healing and stability. Not this. Brian went to far this time.

Last year The Nephew asked for an iPod. Brian refused it just because he had the gaul to ask for it. So we hit ebay and found a cheapish 'iPod type' that suited what he was asking for. It didn't cost much but he loved it. I want to do something to make up for this but I know already The Nephew would tell me not to. He's not cocky from the inside out and if Brian would just take the time to get past that outside front, he'd see that. But Brian, the most perfect parent to never have a kid, doesn't have time for kids. He's rude to Baby Girl when she tries to talk to him. Not every time, but if he feels she's being silly he'll hang up on her or make her get off the phone in a way that makes her cry. That's why I don't let her just call him anymore, even though she often asks to. She's very forgiving. It's a crying shame that Mr. Religious himself isn't.

Can you feel it?

I think (crosses fingers) the hot weather is over and we're headed into the fall cool down. Go ahead, do it with me.

Big fat sigh of relief.

Along with that glorious cool down emerges the 'check it and make sure it's ready for winter' cycle. So far we've found our heating system needs repair, the humidifier (an absolute MUST up here in the winter) isn't working and, judging only from the fact that it's sitting in the driveway still, covered up, our snow blower may be in need of repair. We also need new tires on the Tahoe as we're not into sporting the bald and bare look on the "packed down" winter roads.

I've got to go through Baby Girl's winter clothes and weed out what she won't wear/can't wear/shouldn't wear. We bought her a new winter coat last week (found a huge sale going on when we went to get a part for the weeder eater) but I need to have her try on her snow pants and boots, too. Wonderboy, ever since falling up to his shoulders in a hole in the snow last year, has been more acceptable to wearing 'winter clothes'. Last year he even wore a hood out. I'm hoping that this year we can get gloves on his hands at least, if not a pair of good winter boots.

And speaking of Wonderboy, ... I took him to the doctor for a recheck on his ears. Mike had taken him in last time and they both came home talking about how he had an ear infection. I'd been telling them both that he did NOT have an infection, that he had an allergy type thing going on and that he needed something like sudafed to clear it up. So when they said 'infection' I was all 'huh???'. Then they said,

"...Yeah, swimmers ear!"

Again, I was all "huh???". I mean, if anybody can talk to you about ear infections, it'd be me. Right? Surely I haven't had the ga-zillion and a half ear infections (birth to now... it's not just a kid thing, really) without learning a thing or two about them. When I argued that swimmers ear was not an infection, they came back with 'the doctor said so' bit. So this time I took him in.

It's not an infection. It's swimmers ear. And it only needs something like sudafed. Only Wonderboy won't take sudafed (he thinks it will keep him up at night when, although it could, it never ever ever has) so I bought benadryl instead. I had the doctor explain the difference in swimmers ears and infected ears as he won't take my word for it.

And here's the funny part. Now that he knows for sure it's NOT infected, he's completely stopped complaining about it. I'd like to say the benadryl did the trick but in straightening up yesterday, I found the box with only one dosage taken. This further, in my head, reaffirms that he is something of a hypochondriac.

He spent two years studying, intensely, the different types of meningitis and whether or not they had long term effects, just because he'd A) had it as a baby and B) could develop (in his mind, he feels this is very possible) problems that could be coming from having had it. One winter he kept our thermometer on him at all times so he could monitor his temperature as he was sure he'd be getting sick. And I do mean, at all times.

Knowing he's like this, I played down his ear problems as to him an infection is most serious! Now I think I need to backtrack a bit as although swimmers ear is more of a bother than 'most serious!', it can lead to further complications if you don't get that fluid out. It's either hot or cold with him, I swear.

I'm looking forward to fall and am excited about cooking things like my potato soup, Italian Loaf Rustica and my chili. I could go on and on, adding things like a good pork roast with mashed potatoes or a melt-in-your-mouth chuck roast with red potatoes and chives or a big pot of thickened pinto beans and cornbread. OH! And grits! Is there anything better on a cool fall morning than grits with a little butter and pepper?? Oh my!

Now I'm hungry. Eek.

Fiber One Cereal Commercial

Obliterating fornicators

I hadn't posted back on this because I'm not entirely sure who all reads this blog and my mouth tends to get me in trouble from time to time, but to answer your question, Helen, no. She's not pregnant. But (and here's the mouth part) I think she wants to be and that we'll see a repeat of this again soon. And that's just me thinking.

Anyway, Bear lost his job at Wal-Mart due to too many tardies and laying out too much. Yeah, the same reason he was fired from his other job. Oh, and the same reason he failed out of college. Although he didn't 'fail out of high school', his grades reflected this same pattern. In middle school he did fail each year but was placed up.

"Don't you think I've thought about that, Mom???", he asked me, rather incredulously.

"Not enough 'cause it's still happening."

And that's where we are right now. I'm not trying to point out his failures, mind you. I'm honestly not. What I'm trying to help him see is the pattern and the cause. He doesn't see it that way though. A friend of his told me I should be supportive rather than bring up his past, so that I can inspire him through this troubled time. I'd done that, or so I thought, with his old art portfolio. I dug it out (packed full of some beautifully done pieces) and handed it to him, telling him he should show Pear as she's also an artist.

Big. Fat. Mistake.

'Cause he doesn't think they're all that good and what an embarrassment and 'oh how could I'.

So his friend, in reply to this, said something about me having made a mistake in that I was putting his face in something he felt he couldn't get back. Ok. Whatever. I give. Thanks for your input, now just shut up.

This morning I called at 8:30. He's said time and time again that he "accidentally falls asleep" and winds up wasting his entire day, and then goes into these horrible moods because he feels like a failure for it.

"If only I could just get up in the morning and stay up!"

So I called. He's really mad at me now. He can't keep going on just three hours or so sleep like I can, he said. Ok, I get that. But when he's standing in front of me kicking the door jam or slamming the bookcase because I don't push him enough, or because he overslept again, or because he doesn't have the money for this or that .... What am I supposed to do? I mean, whatever I do, whether it's call him to get up or not call at all, it's wrong.

His friend said he just needs to take the time and think, think about what he wants from life, think about how to get it, think about what's important, .... I think he spends way to much time thinking. He's a natural born dreamer and while that can be a great thing, he's also lacking in the cojones department, if that's how you say it. He has ideas and plans, but they never go anywhere. His ideas are too grand and his plans destined to fail before he even starts. He has so much potential but he doesn't see it.

It's just so very frustrating.

Part of me thinks 'he's just 21'. The other part thinks of how much is possible when you're 'just 21'. He and his girlfriend think the next logical step in their relationship, now that they know she's not pregnant, is to get a joint bank account.

Have you any idea how hard it is not to yell, from the top of the grain elevator, that you need money to start that? A paycheck, preferably steady? (and do bf/gfs really do the joint bank account thing?)

I'm just so mad. He's 21 and doesn't enjoy life because he's made his life so hard. And he's still not willing to make it easier. He's still waiting for something to happen rather than making it happen. I mean, who drives 30 miles for a can of spaghetti sauce? (that's a round trip to the grocery store)

I'll tell you who. He who does not plan ahead as far as supper, that's who. Quite literally, too. He wonders why he's so miserable. It's as plain as the nose on his face, and I think he sees it. He's just ignoring it, waiting for someone to make it better.

On the upside of things, I've obliterated 6 flies today. Seriously. Had to wash what was left of them up. One, before he was but a smear, bit me on the shoulder after I killed his partner, and then dive bombed my forehead a few times. They were fornicating on my screen. They won't do that again. Heh.

Pisser party

You know what pisses me off? Cats who keep getting into my tomatoes, eating half and then dragging them off somewhere you won't see until you go searching for the smell or the fruit flies. Kids who seem to think they can't waste one single breath on being nice to each other. Kids who come home from work early because they were fired...and for the same exact reasons they were fired from the last job. Kids who have girlfriends who lay out of work everyday since the kid was fired. Stepping in a half eaten tomato in the middle of the night. Liars. My mom. My empty ash tray. Rain, when it wets that funky smell outside and intensifies it. People who say they're coming in Tuesday only to show up on Monday. My phone. Blowing the month's meal plan to hell and back. Waking up to find you've left your coffee pot on over night and the last bit you never got around to drinking is crusty and stuck to the bottom of the pot. People who interrupt almost everything you say, every time. Good intentions. Disney channel commercials. Non existent line breaks. Ads on blogs. Comment begging giveaways. People who refuse to use existing templates. Blogher. Water saving shower heads. Thick hair. Vacuum cleaners. Monday mornings. This blog.

Life in general.

$4 can buy a lot

Probably rockin' the boat on this one, but Sunday night the kids and I were filling out their school picture order forms. I picked a package that allowed for an 8X10 but less wallets to lower the cost. When we got to the part about paying for our choice of colored background, I, on a whim, decided to let Wonderboy pick his choice of color. I didn't, however, allow Baby Girl to. I told her that because he was a Junior in high-school, it was a privilege and that she could too once she was there. She wasn't too awfully happy but she said ok.

Ever since then (knock on wood) Wonderboy has been treating her better. They happily played Wii together this evening without him putting her down for her lack of 'gamer uberness'. They've chatted together without one of them slamming the other one at every opportunity. One night when she didn't want to clear the table after supper, and suggested that Wonderboy should have to, he said ok before I could say anything. It's crazy and I'm sure it won't last, but I'm so enjoying it for the time being.

Had I known that $4 for a choice of watercolor background could bring about this, I'd have been doing this a long time ago.

... But of course!

We took the air conditioners out of the window a few weeks ago, so of course it was so hot yesterday the temp in our house was over 95°F. And, of course, after putting a fan in the window yesterday to pull the cool evening air in, someone fertilized a field.

Mag. Nasty.

My head is stopped up now, nose running, throat sore, ... Just my luck. My box of kleenex has disappeared also. Today's supposed to be another hot day and I need to go ahead and start the fan this morning instead of waiting 'til evening, but after that stench from last night I'm wondering if the oven like feel wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Last night in game we were working Carn Dum for deeds and class items for my minstrel. The fellow was a PUG (which means people we picked up that we didn't really know) and one of them proved to be a bit of a problem. Things started off just fine but after awhile this one guy appeared to be purposely charging into mobs which, at one point, wiped three of our six. I was being asked in tells to drop the careless charger but wanted to give him one more chance as I assumed he was a kid. After talking to him about not charging and following instructions, he started asking, before every mob, if he could charge. It was funny at first but I finally had to tell him to stop. I asked him how old he was and decided to play it up by asking if he was 16. I'd thought 12 or 13 from the way he was acting.

Turns out he was 25. He said he'd gotten bored and decided to annoy us for fun. Yeah buddy.

We cleared all but two bosses in Carn Dum. The last boss, Mordirith, proved to be too challenging as our Guardian was loosing connection every few minutes. What was awesome, however (other than we had a lot of fun and learned a lot) was the make up of our final fellow (after the 25 year old went link dead and didn't return). This means nothing to most of you I know but we had a couple Pathfinders, one from The Dark Hunters, another from the Mercs, one from Sands of Time and our last guy was from O. We played really well with each other, bouncing different strategies around and trying bits of each. I don't know if they ever were able to defeat Mordirith (three of us finally had to log) but even with all the wipes, and the highest repair bill I've ever experienced, I had the most fun in game last night!

Stuffy head and all.

Bittersweet oranges

This morning I woke up, diagonally across the bed, and realized that it felt so good to be in bed that I didn't want to get up. The sheets were nice and soft, the comforter was just the right combination of softness and warmth and after stretching I knew I didn't want to be anywhere but.

Yesterday was a rough one. Blade turned 18 and when I first went to pick up the phone to call him and wish him a happy one, I thought about everything that's happened the last three years. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It's been a long hard ride and even though things are so much better now, I still feel this sadness sometimes. Or maybe it's just the 'if you'd only done this or that' thing.

I remember when he was 13 months old, one of the Rocky movies was about to start on HBO. Our remote was long gone and so I was on my knees in front of the tv changing channels to watch it. He walked over to me and before I could get up, pushed the channel button defiantly, with this look that said 'we are SO not watching Rocky'. I changed it back with a laugh. He pushed it again ... I changed it back again. The look of determination in his face grew stronger as he, once again, changed the channel. This time I moved his hand away and told him not to do that as I put the tv back on HBO.

Even though I was there I still am not sure how he did it, but he knocked me over backwards, changed the channel one last time and took off for his room. He'd pushed me hard enough to make him grunt and I couldn't help but laugh as I followed him to his room. He almost made it underneath his crib before I had him in my arms, carrying him back to the living room. He's always been stubborn, even then.

When he was three he ate a worm, showing us the chewed up bits on his tongue, just because my mom told him not to. There was no reason for her to even suggest that he might as he was just holding the little earthworm in his hand, looking at it. He's always loved to 'get that reaction'. He took to tools very early and would stand beside my step dad hammering away with him, hitting the nail just right every time. Curiosity at how things work drives him and now that I really think about it, he's always been that way. From trying to build a super battery when he was seven to building his own computer from old parts a couple of years ago, he's full of questions and actively seeks out the 'why/how' on his own.

Still, he's as stubborn as a mule and you can't talk him sideways on anything. Once his mind is made up, that's it. I sometimes wonder if that's why he's in NC right now, because he'd made up his mind and there's nothing more to discuss. End of story so to speak. He has that 'stick-to-itness' down pat. I really miss him.

There's a bit of drama going on thanks to my mom about Blade and his license. I won't bore you with it but suffice it to say, I feel that since he's moved out to be on his own, I need to let him 'be on his own'. That doesn't mean I'm not here for him. It just means that if he wants a car he needs to get a job and buy one himself, to name one example. My mom and Mike both are wanting us to buy him a car but their reasons ... I dunno. She wants him tied to her in that if he gets a car, (she says she'd help) then he can't leave. Mike just wants to help him. I'm so torn on it all because while part of me wants to, a bigger part thinks he needs to figure this out for himself. Not just the car, but life and what he wants it to be. My first instinct is to want to hold and smooth and try and make things better or make things happen. I just don't think that's what I should be doing right now though. He has lessons to learn and life to figure out and as stubborn as he is, I know he'll get there.

Doesn't stop me from wishing he'd get there a bit closer to home though.

Today the pets are fighting and Nugget has his hyper 'I must chew the world' thing going on. So far I've rescued a dryer ball, a paintbrush, the remote, a shoe, Moe and a baby doll this morning. Baby Girl had to leave for school wearing a shawl (not sure how to spell that) as she's already left both her coats at school. A guy in game was in a horrible accident a couple of days ago and passed away ... the announcement was on the forums this morning. I didn't know him well but still, it makes you think. I'd go back to bed for awhile but it's not possible to recreate that wonderful 'this feels like heaven' feeling unless you 're running late and HAVE to get up.

In my experience anyway.

'Sigh.

Blogging to the beat of another night's sleep.

Do I tell you about the breath-stopping-heart-pounding-eye-bulging-you-won't-sleep-again-tonight dream I had? Or do I tell you about my guilty conscience? Hmm. That's a toughie but I think the conscience has won out.

And no, they aren't tied to each other.

Anyway, I had signed Baby Girl up for soccer again this fall. She adores playing soccer more than anything and finding a league here isn't the easiest of things to do. She played with this team last year and was so excited when she brought the form home to me announcing sign ups for this year. I read it and saw that the games were not going to be an hour away, which is a big thing for me. That means much less driving with my bad knee and much less gas spent getting back and forth. So I paid the $25 and mailed it in a month ago.

Last week I received the call saying practices were starting. The coach went over the practice schedule with me and then mentioned the games and where they'd be played. As it turns out, I completely read that paper wrong. The games are still going to be held in Spencer as Spencer still refuses to spend the gas to come down here for half the games. They say that's too far. Go figure.

My heart dropped. I made that drive several times last year only to be harshly reminded each time of why my doctor limited me to 10 miles driving. The Tahoe is a good smooth ride and you don't feel many bumps. Unless you're injured. Add that to pressing the gas with my right foot at times where I can't get up to speed and use cruise control, and I come away each time with swelling so bad from my knee down that I can barely walk at all. When Mike is home to drive it, I hold my knee with my right hand in a way that makes my arm absorb most of the bumps. If I'm hurting pretty bad already, I take a pillow to help. Thing is, he's on the road and we can't count on him being home every week to make that drive.

All of this cycled through my mind as I explained some of it to the coach. I felt I had no choice but to say no to her being on the team. I even, before saying no, thought about the possibility of Bear doing some of the driving but with his job, we can't count on that either.

She was crushed. And I feel horrible for once again letting my knee keep us from doing something we want to do. When I hurt my knee I was entering my seventh year as 'the soccer mom'. Back home we had two seasons a year and Blade and Wonderboy played them all, with Baby Girl starting when she turned four. She played six seasons I think before we moved. Now ... now it looks like we play nothing. It makes me want to hide my head under the covers and not come out until it's all over.

It seems so simple. When does driving around cause that many problems? You're just in the car going from one point to another ... But it really does cause major problems for me. And after three and a half years of this, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that at times.

Her behaviour since learning she couldn't play soccer this fall has been so bad overall that she's grounded again to boot. I tried to be understanding. I know she's hurt but whoo doggies! I finally hit my limit Saturday evening and had to pull out the G word. Now she's 'seriously wounded', but I can't just turn a blind eye to her barking orders/choosing to completely ignore what she's told/instigating/fighting with her brother/... . Oh, and the excessively loud singing thing she does when I'm getting on to her. Yeah.

That. Must. Stop.

I just feel so guilty. I hate this, really do.

Chicken and dumpling bits

So tonight the menu said chicken and dumplings. When I saw that yesterday I started getting hungry for them immediately! I hadn't made any in far too long. The problem was that I still hadn't found my recipe for potato dumplings ... so I hit Google and found another one. They tasted great but only 5 out of 20 dumplings stayed in my dropped dumpling shape. The rest of them made the dish creamy, shall we say.

But boy howdy was it ever good!

Speedy, on first glance, announced he'd just eat at home. Then he saw Baby Girl's face light up when she snuck a bite and decided he'd eat with us after all. I thought I'd made enough to have for lunch tomorrow with a side of tomato and cucumber but ohhhhh nooooo. Speedy couldn't stop eating, nor could he do it quietly. Bless his lil' heart. He shouted and sang the praises of my chicken and dumplings the entire time he ate. There was just enough left for Wonderboy when he got home after the football game tonight.

He asked me when I was making it again and I told him I would be in two more weeks. He's invited himself for supper that night and told me to just tell his mom that he had plans. He's just too cute sometimes.

Because I'll probably forget this, I used a can of veg and chicken broth (low salt) as well as a can of milk. Oh, and carrots and celery as well. No onions this go round because the new bag we bought sprouted eyes and saw its way out the door. I guess. Can't find it anywhere. Maybe it's hunkered down somewhere with the hominy I could have sworn I bought for last weekend. I may just go ahead and use the same dumpling recipe next time, too. Even though they fell apart, it was really good.

Song worthy even.

Ghost ringing

Last night, just before midnight, my doorbell rang. Thinking it was Bear and wondering why he'd come over after saying he was going to bed, I went to the door. Only no one was there that I could see. I did a quick double check to make sure doors were locked and went back to my desk.

It rang again.

This time I called Bear to find out if he was here and standing somewhere I couldn't see, like out in the yard or, whatever. He didn't answer (because he was home and asleep).

It rang, again.

By now I'm nervous as there's nobody there that I can see yet the doorbell rings every time I get back to my desk. Almost as if someone were watching me or aware of what I was doing.

It rang ... again.

So I called Mike. He started to laugh and asked if it was raining. It wasn't but had earlier. He told me that he hadn't gotten the doorbell back on the house yet (something I hadn't noticed as people are using it still) and that if it had gotten wet from the rain, it could be ringing all by itself.


"Go get it and take the battery out."

"Where is it?"

"On the porch."

"I'm not going outside, Mike."

"Stay on the phone with me, and take Nugget."

"Ok, but I'm taking the biggest knife I can find, too."

....

"Don't laugh at me! This is freaking me out!"


I put Nugget in his harness (as I wasn't about to try and chase him down should he dart off) and on the leash, grabbed my biggest kitchen knife and went to the door. Slowly, I opened it only for the doorbell to ring at the exact same time. Double freaky there. Nugget and I stepped out onto the porch, him acting as if he was FREE and me wielding a huge, shiny, super sharp butcher knife, and grabbed the doorbell.

Once I was back inside and the door locked, I took the back off it and removed the battery. Whew, problem solved. I talked to Mike for a minute longer before getting off the phone and going back to my desk.

The darn thing rang a_gain!


"I thought you were going to bed."

"I am, but the doorbell just rang again."

"Did you put the battery back in?"

"No."

"Ok. Take the batteries out of the speaker box. It's on the bookshelves in the dining room."


I did and am happy to report that it hasn't rung since then. And won't ring again until after Mike comes home as I'm not putting the batteries back in either of them. Poor Nugget thought he was going for a walk when I put the harness on him. Bear came over before heading to work this morning to ask what my message last night was all about. I'd whispered, on his voice mail, to call me. I didn't realize I was whispering but he said I was. I felt a little silly as I explained what had happened but I'm telling you. It was freaky to hear the doorbell ringing and not see anyone on the porch. I thought someone was trying to get me to open the door.........

Ugh.

Fess up and call it a learning experience

Saturday we broke away from the September meal plan and went with a pizza from Casey's. Monday we did it again with burgers from the other local restaurant here. Why? Monday was because I was sick with a fever, dizziness and a constant state of 'omg I'm gonna puke' and Saturday because, well, I forgot to buy the hominy and corn for dinner. Had I realized this at supper time it would have been fine as we could have zipped out and gotten it, but after such a hectic day, I didn't get around to starting supper until 8pm, three hours after I normally do. That threw us over the $200 limit by $35. Nice, huh?

Just playing with Picasa 3

September plans chugging along

So far we've stayed on course with my September meal plan and budget. I've had no Pepsi, save for one night (Wednesday maybe?) when Mike felt sorry for me and bought me a single can. The less caffeine thing hurts my head though. I was very late getting up today thanks to a nasty migraine and I feel out of sorts in a lot of ways. I don't know why I decided working on my caffeine addiction would be a good thing when I was trying to get my sleep habits back on schedule. Still, I set the goal and I plan on seeing it through. The end result is supposed to be a good one, least I've always heard it is.

Tony the frog

Pesto and house painting

Yesterday, the first day of the '30 days of nothing' plan started with a bang.


Not.


I had planned on doing a lot of baking and prep stuff for the month yesterday but was so room-spinningly dizzy half the day I didn't get much done. Baby Girl and I did make enough pesto to last a very long time (froze it by the tablespoon or so in an egg holder caddy, as I couldn't find my ice cube trays, and then popped them out and into a zip-lock baggie) and shredded a bunch of zucchini to freeze for later use. I've still got so much basil left in the herb garden that I'm either going to freeze it to use for pesto once what we made runs out (ran out of both pine and walnuts yesterday!) or see if I can figure out how to dry it for seasoning. Drying it would probably be best as I probably already have enough made to last all winter. Hope it stays ok in the freezer that long.


I also realized I forgot to put a bag of sugar on the grocery list for September. I can not drinketh tea unsweetened and if I plan on making tea again, I'll have to get another bag. Anyway, today is shaping up to be a much better day for baking. Not so good for finishing the painting as it's raining. Here's some pictures I took yesterday of the house. I think it's looking great! (ignore the yard. we are for the time being)

I love dahlia's probably more than I love any other flower. Mike planted three different ones but the wind was up so bad I couldn't get a decent picture of the third one. It was so blurry you couldn't see the coloring difference. Here's the other two though.

She had to hold this one still for me. The pic doesn't show it but I swear the wind was up. The leaves kept blowing in front of the flower and covering it up.

September plans

Mary, over at Owlhaven, has posted before on her 30 days of nothing and this go round, it's really gotten me thinking. Normally when I make a grocery list I decide what we need and then make sure to have extra of certain things. Often that leads to food going bad or sitting in the pantry unused until either a food drive comes around or .... In going through the food shelves I found a container of cinnamon sticks I'd bought two years ago or more, still unopened, just to name one example. Our grocery budget has been insane for a long time BUT there is a definite difference depending on who shops.

When Mike goes shopping by himself or with Baby Girl, they come home with $300+ of food a week. Included in that would be shampoos (I get Equate brand of Pantene just for me as it doesn't break me out, Baby Girl gets her own shampoo and conditioner and the guys get their own as well), toilet paper, laundry detergent, pet supplies, ... So it's not JUST food but it's over indulgence to the extreme sometimes. When I go with him we stick to the list almost explicitly. I say almost because there's always something that either I didn't see in the buggy or I caved and said ok to an extra here and there. Still, with me going the weekly bill is between $250 and $300. Yet when I send Bear in our place (*with our bank card as he and Mike have the exact same name...heh), he gets only what's on the list and we pay around $150.

See the problem?

Something had to be done so Mary's posts on 30 days of nothing really sparked with me. I'm no stranger to making meal plans, even for a month at a time, but I decided to keep things very simple for the most part for several reasons. As I posted yesterday, this summer has been extremely difficult and depressing due to a collapse, I think, of "structure discipline". I've found in the past that moods and 'tudes can be calmed with a better diet coupled with a set schedule for things like bed time, play time, .... Baby Girl, who isn't the brainiac that her brother Blade is, struggles with school. When I cut out the white refined flours/pastas/bread and introduced much more veg to our diet, her grades didn't just go up, her struggling went down. I don't have 'data' to back me up on that, but we actually saw improvement with all the kids from school to 'tude. Bedtimes were set and strictly kept. I read to her every night before bed. We ate a much healthier diet. And it payed off. She went from C's and D's to A's and B's.

Anyway, I have to get back to that discipline and I think it starts with our food, not just in what we serve but how we buy as well as how we prepare it. The point of the 30 days of nothing is to not waste along with not over indulge ... just stick with essentials. After going through our pantry and freezers (we have a new basement freezer to replace the one ruined when our basement flooded) I was shocked at how much food we actually had on hand. I decided to try and stick with the $200 a month for groceries that Mary said she was going to try and stick to. That's a HUGE difference and if we can achieve it, the savings should be awesome. I made my meal plan for September with that in mind.

It took (not that I kept an exact count) probably seven hours total to work this out. I looked at what we had, what I wanted to eat in September and how best to use up what we had already. I also went through the house checking on soaps, detergents, pet food, tampons, ... you name it. If we use it, I did my best to figure up how much we'd use/need to get us through to October. Mike, although very supportive, laughed at the idea of just spending $200 for groceries for the month. After getting my meal plan set I made the grocery list. It was much less than what I went into this thinking it would be but more than what I wanted it to be. I talked with the family and explained that we would not be buying books, audio books, clothes, toys, candy, games or food from restaurants or any other extras all month long. Oh, and I added household cleaners to this list as well because holy cow do we have a ton of them. We're going to use up what we have before buying more.

The groceries have been bought now and are in the pantry/freezer/on my kitchen table (will be doing a lot of prep work today) and, believe it or not, came to a total of $197. Yeah, just under the $200 goal.

Now, I forgot milk but we still have a whole gallon in the fridge that hasn't been opened yet. When we need more, I'll get it but so far as I can tell, milk is the only thing I had a brain fart on. The other thing is that with Mike going back to work tomorrow and being on the road, I'm not counting what he will need in this. He always buys outside of what we buy for the house anyway and as much as I'd like him to curb some of that, he lives in his big truck and doesn't have access to the conveniences that we do here at home. He has agreed not to buy any audio books this month though so he is looking for ways to cut back himself.

The other thing that has come up is Wonderboy wanting to download a new game on the Wii. He's been helping to paint the house every single day doing most of the ladder work. He wants to pay for it with his money instead of us just getting it for him. I told him last night to talk to me again today about it as although it breaks the 'only essentials' plan, I never thought about the kids using their own money. I only considered household money in this. So I'm thinking about it hard.

Anyway, a lot of things will be homemade such as the tortillas used for the breakfast burritos we'll have on the weekends. I've found a good recipe for whole wheat ones and will be making those today. I also plan on making the whole wheat dinner rolls we'll need this month (2 meals worth so it's nothing major) as well as the french bread (still undecided on this one.... I've read you can make it with whole wheat flour but I'm not sure if I will) we will need. Making three loaves worth and customizing on the size of the loaf ('cause really, a whole loaf is too much for just a few) will work wonderfully for the meals where I want to serve it. I'm alternating breakfasts through the school weeks with oatmeal one week and pancakes (again with the whole wheat and flax seed thing) the next and will premake the pancakes just to make mornings go smoother. Having them in the freezer already made is such a wonderful thing, to me anyway.

My big sacrifice will be Pepsi. I'm uneasy about this as I'm a serious caffeine junkie and (I swear this is true) when I cut back on my caffeine intake, I can't sleep. I'm also extremely irritable and at times, feel physically sick. Addiction anyone? Oh, and the headaches a lack of caffeine can cause are fierce! I'm hoping that by October, my dependency on them will have worked it's way out of my system.

We should save, easily, $800-$1000 this month on extras. Everything, right down to the pizza on the 3rd Wednesday and the cookies in a couple of weeks will be made with whole wheat. I've cut the fat in a lot of ways with this and there's some repetition (every Tuesday will be tomato soup and grilled cheese and every Friday will be chicken something) but we're going back to a healthier way of eating and that's a plus no matter how you add the figures. The repetition on some things is to enforce structure in a tangible way.

Oh, and the point about the shampoos I had meant to make ... we're just going to use up what we have and then use mine. It's not like the kids aren't using mine from time to time anyway and buying so many different types is, well, just ridiculous. I've got the oiliest/most coarse hair in the house and the Equate brand works great for me, and will them as well.

I'm using Google's calander to 'present' our meal plan for this month and have printed it out and stuck it to the fridge. I'll see about typing some of it up and blogging it this week.

* No one seems to look at the name on our bank cards, proven over and over again by Bear being able to use mine (he SO doesn't look like a Teresa) as a credit purchase. By now they know him well but I do have to admit it angered me when we first moved here, that he was able to use my card with no questions asked. The first time was a mistake. Now it's just convenient.

I just need the cheese

This has been an incredibly long hard summer. Many things have contributed to the overall depressing nature of the last couple of months and it feels as if June was a year ago. The obvious, with money flying out of our account to help Bear stay afloat and still, for the most part, making the house payments for my sister has finally taken it's toll in a bad way. I've worked so hard to try and cut down on bills, waste, shopping and yet there are no savings from it to show for my efforts. Thanks to feeling so beat down that I just didn't give a rip the last couple of months, our bills increased again in a huge way. And that, I've no one to blame but myself for because I let it get to me so badly that I stopped caring enough to keep trying.

Then there's Mike's dad, Bill (how ironic), is still giving us fits. The bills that HE owes have shocked us. He doesn't just owe the tax men for not filing his full income but he owes some bank for running a credit card up to over $30K. A similar bill from another company showed up the other day and then there's the boat club lady in Texas where he had his trailer stored ... as ugly as she treated me, screaming at me in a way that made me imagine the veins in her neck and forehead were bulging, all over the way she was treated by him .... I only feel sorry for her. The calls from collectors are still coming in and with Mike being home this whole month, he's been dealing with most of them. He's told his dad that he's not welcome in our home anymore, and why, and Bill has listened. Bill is now the victim, with no where to go when he comes in for two days in October. The victim, as he infers, of my doings. Whatever, Bill. You make your bed, you gotta lie in it. He says that he knows he isn't welcome here and can't come here, yet he gave Mike his actual-real-honest-to-goodness flight information. What does that tell you?

I have a feeling he's going to show up at my door in the middle of the night. And I have a hard time believing he's only coming in for two days. We'll see.

Then there's the tag team of my mom and brother. She's not, nor has she ever been, mentally ill or depressed according to her and my brother says he believes her. Because she said so. And so he must continue to tell me how wrong I am in that I'm not understanding of her enough. I say continue as if it's still going on right now when it's not. We actually haven't talked much lately as I haven't been able to act as if it doesn't bother me anymore. I stopped taking over half of his phone calls and for the ones I did, I wasted no time letting him know I didn't want to hear it when he'd get started on mom or the error of my ways. I hope he and mom can have this wonderful relationship, truly do. I just don't want to hear all her excuses or how it's still all my fault whether it's her telling me or him. I know I was a sickly baby and I know I've never been the kissy-huggy type. I know I'd rather keep trying myself until I've exhausted every possible way before asking for help. That doesn't make me bad or wrong or unlovable, it just makes me me. The final straw with him was when he told me that Blade and his problems were the fruits of my labor in that I didn't let him go to church with mom. I know it's petty and childish, but that's going to take awhile yet for it to stop stinging.

And because I'm on a roll here (believe it or not, this was going to be a post just about Baby Girl), there's the Niece and the Nephew. Oh my GHOD I couldn't love them more and am SO glad they were able to come visit this summer. I've missed them sooooo badly! But whoo doggies is the Niece spoiled. She would make a mess and I'd ask her to clean it up.

"Um, no. This isn't my house and I don't have to clean up here."

and off she'd go because she really meant she wasn't going to clean it up. Every. Single. Night when I'd send her and Baby Girl upstairs for bed (which means they could go to sleep watching a movie) she'd cry. And cry and cry and cry. And then call her dad the next day because she just couldn't take it being here. She would write "I want to go home" over and over and over again every night when it was bed time. I get that, too, in that I didn't like being away from home at night as a kid. My mom and step dad were constantly sending me to every sleep over camp they could find and I always managed to pull a stunt of some sort that resulted in Wayne having to come get me and take me home. That is, the camps where my brother and sister couldn't come with me. I honestly felt I had to be home to help protect them from him because my mom never would. When they came with me it was like vacation.

Anyway, back to the Niece and the Nephew. The Nephew, after watching me nearly blow up in anger and frustration at how none of the kids were helping clean up after themselves, started to help out. This was just a few days before they left to go back home. I really tried to keep it in but the mess was so overwhelming! When I cleaned up one room and switched to another, the first room would become junky or trashed again before I could finish the second. If they were all toddlers it wouldn't have gotten to me so badly, but they (my two and my sister's two) are 10, 11, 12 (at the door of 13) and 16. It was just madness! Baby Girl and the Niece got to go to the water park five or six times while they were here and the boys went with Bear and Pear to the movies one night. Other than that, the Nephew did nothing but play Wii. Oh, and apparently he watched a porno thanks to us not having the common sense to block out those channels after getting a new Dish receiver. Yeah, like, we're totally stupid. We've had all that stuff blocked for so long it honestly just didn't occur to us that the settings wouldn't transfer to the new one. I don't think we even thought about it. I know I didn't. We weren't aware that he had until we received the bill and then talked to Wonderboy and the Nephew (via my sister...figured she should be the one to ask him). Did you know they cost $11??? For just one??? That's absurd but, whatever. Right?

Bear hasn't needed money in a week or two and I've started telling him about our plans for September (the meal plan is designed to save on both money and waste) AND I've told him we just can't give him money anymore. I did this, explaining about how Mike's been out of work a month and that even with the comp checks, it's not enough as our bills have gotten out of hand this summer. He's shaken his head as though he understands and told me how everyone he knows is having money problems. That's good, that he gets it. Right?

In the past week, of his five days scheduled to work, he worked two. I'm sitting here blogging while looking out the window. The truck is still here and Bear isn't answering his phones. He's 20 minutes late for work already. I can promise you that when he doesn't have gas money come the pay cycle that covers last week and this week, he won't understand that we need to put money into our savings account or pay our own bills. And he'll tell us that if he can't get to work, he won't be able to pay HIS bills or buy food or ....

Still with me? 'Cause I'm not done yet.

Blade. The last few days I haven't been able to say his name or think about him without crying. It all started with his cat, Sphinxter. Bear brought Sphinx back to our house because he thinks having more than one cat kept from him being able to have a clean house. That's bunk but ok. Sphinx slept a lot and other than having some serious problems getting along with Nugget (and that went both ways), seemed to be doing just fine here. Until he got the chance to leave that is. Mike was painting the house from inside the pet fence which meant he had to take part of the top off. Sphinx used that window of opportunity to go home. Bear opened the door to leave and found Blade's cat staring at him so he let Sphinx in. He went straight to Blade's bed and stayed there. For hours. Hearing that made me cry because I miss him, too.

Blade's fiancee' (the girl in Canada) made him tell me that they are engaged and after a long engagement, will be married. He said if she hadn't forced him to tell me he wouldn't have because his life is none of my business. Isn't he sweet? We talk nearly everyday and exchange emails, but his life is none of my business.

....

The driving point behind all of this today is Baby Girl. She's going through this ghod awful phase that leaves me feeling weak and needy by evening every day. It's like the cherry on top in the way that when the top is already over full, that cherry being placed on top makes the whole thing fall in a messy heap on the table. She's mouthy, as disrespectful as can be and is acting, 9/10ths of the time, like a spoiled rotten only child kind of kid. When I tell her to get her toys out of the living room, she storms out of the house. She's pestering/instigating Wonderboy just as much as he does her, and let me tell you now ... that's a TON. I've had to literally step in and physically break up slapping fights between them, and it's her that's starting them. One such fest I was behind her and pulled her by her arm to bring her around to face me. I accidentally scratched her arm in the process. You'd have thought I ripped her heart out and fed it to the dog!

Oh, and one night Mike was just before blowing his top with her. He told her to shut her mouth and listen!, just like that. She stood there in front of us, shaking like a leaf, and opened her mouth. She didn't say anything, she just opened it. And stood there. Silently, with tears falling down her face. And shaking...did I mention that? I think she shook only because as soon as she opened her mouth she realized she did that to Daddy, not me. But she was determined to do the opposite of what she was told. As much as I wanted to jump up and knock some sense into her, I had to turn around so she couldn't see my face ... because it was hilarious and I was afraid I'd laugh if I kept watching. Mike, in complete shock, just sat there staring at her all bug eyed so I sent her to bed early to put an end to the situation. THEN I laughed myself into side cramps.

But it's really not funny. Her defiance is extreme! I'd told her a month out that if she didn't get her room cleaned up she wouldn't be getting any new clothes for school. She waited until the day before school started and so, only got a few new outfits. The one day groundings make her laugh. I've since found that week long ones get her attention better but am at the point that next time, it will be two weeks. A few days ago I gave her a list of three things to do before she could play. The first was to clear the living room of all her junk. The second, to straighten her room and the third, to do hotdogs for supper. (she nukes the wieners and buns so it's a very simple meal) After an hour I reminded her again that she could not play until her list was done. The whole list should have taken 30 minutes or so. She acted as if she hadn't heard me so I pressed on.

"Baby Girl, did you hear me?"

"Yesssss."

"Then what do you need to do?"

"Stuff that you're supposed to do!"

"I'm not lugging all your stuff back upstairs since I've done that countless times. If it's left to me, it all goes in the trash."

"YOU CAN'T THROW MY STUFF AWAY!"

"I can and I will if you don't get it out of the living room in the next 30 minutes."

And then I went to the stove and set the timer for 30 minutes. Six minutes later the living room was restored to order. Why does she have to push so freaking hard??? Ugh.

I kid you not. I'm almost shaking by evening every single day now and it's mostly from dealing with her attitude. She's on that hormonal roller coaster in full swing, so much so that a neighbor actually called once and asked if that could be the case. Why I thought she'd be 14 before we had any real problems with her I don't know.

This ends my compilation rant/whine thing. For now. I actually feel a bit better getting some of this off my fingertips.